Dear Santa.....

I want this; I need that; gimme, gimme , gimme…..Nothing irritates me more than greedy children; especially when they are my kids being greedy. I always tell them that yes, there are people out there with more, and there always will be, there are so many more people out there with way less. Much to my kids chagrin, I have often very haughtily pronounced to them ‘The ONLY thing one truly needs is oxygen and food!’ And yes, they roll their eyes and walk away with disgust! LOL

I came to the conclusion recently that I have been treating my prayer life a lot like a letter to Santa....a greedy recitation of my needs and wants. Sure, I try to include things like praying for world peace, end of world hunger and wars, but so many times I end up sounding more like a greedy child. Dear God, I want this; I need that; gimme, gimme, gimme.   

Webster’s definition of prayer is

1.       to make a request in a humble manner

2.       to address God with adoration, confession, supplication, or thanksgiving

hmmm…humble? maybe. Adoration? Supplication? Not so sure.

I wouldn’t walk into my boss’ office and say “hey boss, I want a raise”. I would at least start the conversation with “Hey boss, how you doing? You really are a great boss. I sure do like working for you.”  Shouldn’t I at least start my prayers the same way?

The prayer that taught us the way to pray, the Lord’s Prayer, starts off with “Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.” Heck, the ever faithful dinner prayer “God is Great, God is Good, Let us thank him for our food’ is a better example of how to pray than my Dear Santa type prayers!. I realized I hadn’t even been starting my prayers with ‘thank you’. I wasn’t having a conversation with God. I was doing a shopping list: Dear God, please help with this, please fix that, this is what I need to be happy and so on. I was focusing on more of what God should be bringing to our relationship rather than what I was bringing.

I have been working on my prayer life. I made a promise to myself to truly have a conversation with God, to pray with genuine (not rote) thanks and gratitude and to not tell God what I thought I needed.  My prayers would start off on the right track, Dear Father, thank you so much for being in my life, thank you for all the blessings you give me…uh... may I please…..”  and right back on the gimme train I was!  

It hasn’t been easy. My first instinct is still to tell God what I want. As with any conversation, it’s important to listen and not monopolize the conversation. (again, not a natural instinct for me!), but slowly, my prayer life AND my relationship with God has been changing. I am finding not only a closeness, but also a release. By not constantly focusing on what I think I need, what I am not getting; what others have that I don't,  I am not only happier; I am content.  I am finally able to see what God has given and what he continues to give to me.....what I truly need. And what glorious things they are!

Psalm 100

 ¹ Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

 ² Worship the LORD with gladness;
       come before him with joyful songs.

 ³ Know that the LORD is God.
       It is he who made us, and we are his ^[a] ;
       we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

 ⁴ Enter his gates with thanksgiving
       and his courts with praise;
       give thanks to him and praise his name.

 ⁵ For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
       his faithfulness continues through all generations.

 Amen!

Roller coasters

Standing in the long, weaving line, excitement and anticipation building as I inch closer and closer to the front of the line. The line seems to snake around forever. Finally, I am at the front of the line. My heart races with excitement as I climb into the car. The safety bar drops down with a clunk. My heart is beating out of my chest as we inch slowly up, up, up the steep ramp; the car stops for just a brief moment at the top, I can see  what looks like the whole world in front of me, and then suddenly plunges down. My heart drops into my stomach. A giddy, nervous laugh escapes from my mouth as I am thrown one way, then another as the car continues up and down and around and over and under. Then all too soon it's over. I can hardly wait for the ride to begin again!!

I have always been a 'glass is half full' kind of gal. Almost annoyingly perky my father in law would say. (a definite perk to being perky!). Even during high school when all the normal teenage angst was going on, I was fairly content. My parents were great about instilling a very high since of self esteem in me. I never went through the "I hate myself" stage. A book called "How to be your own best friend" was hugely popular then. You were supposed to look in the mirror and say "I like me; I think I am great". I remember thinking that was the biggest bunch of crock. I was wonderful; of course I liked myself! What wasn't to like?? Sure life had it's ups and downs, but there was always a bright side.

Somewhere along the way, I lost my perk; my glass was half empty. Somehow, roller coasters became a metaphor for what was wrong in my life. Worry and panic filled me as I stood in line waiting for my turn. The anticipation of waiting for the car to drop caused anxiety not exhilaration. The ups and downs were no longer thrilling but scary and exhausting.The giddy, excited laughter stopped.  Instead of the ride being over too quickly, it seemed to be never ending. All I saw was a dark tunnel ahead.

But, I was reminded that God is the bright side. He wants us to trust in him; lean on him when we are scared. We are never alone on an endless ride to nowhere. He is with us on all the ups and downs, twists and turns. So I have reclaimed the roller coaster, and the joy and excitement it once gave me. I am once again at the top looking out at the whole world with great anticipation. I can hardly wait to for the ride to begin again!!!

⁴Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  

Philippians 4-7 NIV

Dear God, Thank you for riding the roller coaster with me. Amen.

Mary or Martha?

As they continued their travel, Jesus entered a village. A woman by the name of Martha welcomed him and made him feel quite at home. She had a sister, Mary, who sat before the Master, hanging on every word he said. But Martha was pulled away by all she had to do in the kitchen. Later, she stepped in, interrupting them. "Master, don't you care that my sister has abandoned the kitchen to me? Tell her to lend me a hand."

The Master said, "Martha, dear Martha, you're fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it's the main course, and won't be taken from her."

Luke 10:38-42 The Message

I know the point of the story is…sigh,  "Poor Martha...she just doesn't get it."  But I always thought Martha got a bad rap. Of course she was busy working, they had company AND it was Jesus! Someone had to do the work. Poor Martha indeed! 

I love entertaining. I love everything about it. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than pouring over recipes searching for just the right food to serve; deciding on who to invite, making sure I have a good blend of people; preparing the food is almost a Zen experience for me, and then watching the faces of my guest as they enjoy each other and my food is one of the greatest highs in the world!

I like to imagine Martha was that type of hostess. And here was Jesus sitting in her living room, and she wanted to make it a special meal. And there sat Mary at his feet just doing nothing! Sure, listening is all well and good, but how are you going to eat? Who's going to make the meal if everyone is just listening?? I imagine Martha sticking her head out of the kitchen door with a smile pasted on her face and hissing through her teeth ‘Mary, get in here NOW!”  And then out of desperation, she complains to Jesus and he praises her??!!! It’s kind of like being on a group project for work where the slacker gets all the rewards for doing none of the hard work….just not fair! Life is about doing, performing, results; not sitting!

It started out as a wonderful vacation; 7 seven days as the guests of some of our oldest friends in their gorgeous vacation home on the Big Island of Hawaii. We went on a helicopter ride over an active volcano watching the lava flow down to the Pacific Ocean. We were 3 feet away from a pod of whales when they breeched the surface. We stood on black sand beaches then dove beneath the surface delighting in the most glorious rainbow of tropical fish swimming inches from our face. It truly was a perfect vacation….until the last night.

At 3:30 am I was woken by what I thought was my husband's snoring. After poking, prodding, yelling at him to roll over, it became apparent there was much more going on. He was having a heart attack. I was able to do CPR while our friends called 911. The ambulance arrived, and we were taken to the hospital where they worked frantically to stabilize him. The doctors told me they decided 'he was worth saving' and were going to airlift us to Honolulu, but if he regained consciousness at all, he would more than likely will be impaired.

I couldn’t control this party. I didn’t plan it. I didn’t know who the guests were or how long it was going to last. There wasn't anything I could 'do' to make this better, to fix this, to make my guests happy. I was all alone.

And in the midst of all the chaos, I had my “Mary moment” I finally got it.

I finally realized that the Mary/Martha story wasn't about putting on the best party, 

taking time to be with your guests, or even taking time to spend with the Lord in study or prayer, but taking the time to completely STOP what you are doing, to sit at his feet, and to totally, completely depend on him.

When I did, amazing things happen. My husband woke up and knew who I was! He wasn’t impaired! I had no chance to interview doctors to find out who was the best qualified, but God put us in the Cardiac Center for the Pacific Rim with a cardiac surgeon trained by Michael DeBakey! As our 7 day vacation turned into 35 days God put an angel in my path every single day to lift me up when I was down and show me perspective when I needed it. There were so many tiny miracles every day. He wrapped me in his love and protective embrace. He made sure my children were taken care of and gave them a strength and maturity beyond their years. When we finally arrived home only to have another cardiac event, He gave me strength I never knew I had. He showed me first hand what happens when you STOP, sit, listen and depend on Him only.

I will always have to fight my Martha tendencies. but I finally learned what Mary knew all along. 


Lord, don't let me forget to sit at your feet. Help me to always be a Mary.