Dear Santa.....

I want this; I need that; gimme, gimme , gimme…..Nothing irritates me more than greedy children; especially when they are my kids being greedy. I always tell them that yes, there are people out there with more, and there always will be, there are so many more people out there with way less. Much to my kids chagrin, I have often very haughtily pronounced to them ‘The ONLY thing one truly needs is oxygen and food!’ And yes, they roll their eyes and walk away with disgust! LOL

I came to the conclusion recently that I have been treating my prayer life a lot like a letter to Santa....a greedy recitation of my needs and wants. Sure, I try to include things like praying for world peace, end of world hunger and wars, but so many times I end up sounding more like a greedy child. Dear God, I want this; I need that; gimme, gimme, gimme.   

Webster’s definition of prayer is

1.       to make a request in a humble manner

2.       to address God with adoration, confession, supplication, or thanksgiving

hmmm…humble? maybe. Adoration? Supplication? Not so sure.

I wouldn’t walk into my boss’ office and say “hey boss, I want a raise”. I would at least start the conversation with “Hey boss, how you doing? You really are a great boss. I sure do like working for you.”  Shouldn’t I at least start my prayers the same way?

The prayer that taught us the way to pray, the Lord’s Prayer, starts off with “Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.” Heck, the ever faithful dinner prayer “God is Great, God is Good, Let us thank him for our food’ is a better example of how to pray than my Dear Santa type prayers!. I realized I hadn’t even been starting my prayers with ‘thank you’. I wasn’t having a conversation with God. I was doing a shopping list: Dear God, please help with this, please fix that, this is what I need to be happy and so on. I was focusing on more of what God should be bringing to our relationship rather than what I was bringing.

I have been working on my prayer life. I made a promise to myself to truly have a conversation with God, to pray with genuine (not rote) thanks and gratitude and to not tell God what I thought I needed.  My prayers would start off on the right track, Dear Father, thank you so much for being in my life, thank you for all the blessings you give me…uh... may I please…..”  and right back on the gimme train I was!  

It hasn’t been easy. My first instinct is still to tell God what I want. As with any conversation, it’s important to listen and not monopolize the conversation. (again, not a natural instinct for me!), but slowly, my prayer life AND my relationship with God has been changing. I am finding not only a closeness, but also a release. By not constantly focusing on what I think I need, what I am not getting; what others have that I don't,  I am not only happier; I am content.  I am finally able to see what God has given and what he continues to give to me.....what I truly need. And what glorious things they are!

Psalm 100

 ¹ Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

 ² Worship the LORD with gladness;
       come before him with joyful songs.

 ³ Know that the LORD is God.
       It is he who made us, and we are his ^[a] ;
       we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

 ⁴ Enter his gates with thanksgiving
       and his courts with praise;
       give thanks to him and praise his name.

 ⁵ For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
       his faithfulness continues through all generations.

 Amen!

Roller coasters

Standing in the long, weaving line, excitement and anticipation building as I inch closer and closer to the front of the line. The line seems to snake around forever. Finally, I am at the front of the line. My heart races with excitement as I climb into the car. The safety bar drops down with a clunk. My heart is beating out of my chest as we inch slowly up, up, up the steep ramp; the car stops for just a brief moment at the top, I can see  what looks like the whole world in front of me, and then suddenly plunges down. My heart drops into my stomach. A giddy, nervous laugh escapes from my mouth as I am thrown one way, then another as the car continues up and down and around and over and under. Then all too soon it's over. I can hardly wait for the ride to begin again!!

I have always been a 'glass is half full' kind of gal. Almost annoyingly perky my father in law would say. (a definite perk to being perky!). Even during high school when all the normal teenage angst was going on, I was fairly content. My parents were great about instilling a very high since of self esteem in me. I never went through the "I hate myself" stage. A book called "How to be your own best friend" was hugely popular then. You were supposed to look in the mirror and say "I like me; I think I am great". I remember thinking that was the biggest bunch of crock. I was wonderful; of course I liked myself! What wasn't to like?? Sure life had it's ups and downs, but there was always a bright side.

Somewhere along the way, I lost my perk; my glass was half empty. Somehow, roller coasters became a metaphor for what was wrong in my life. Worry and panic filled me as I stood in line waiting for my turn. The anticipation of waiting for the car to drop caused anxiety not exhilaration. The ups and downs were no longer thrilling but scary and exhausting.The giddy, excited laughter stopped.  Instead of the ride being over too quickly, it seemed to be never ending. All I saw was a dark tunnel ahead.

But, I was reminded that God is the bright side. He wants us to trust in him; lean on him when we are scared. We are never alone on an endless ride to nowhere. He is with us on all the ups and downs, twists and turns. So I have reclaimed the roller coaster, and the joy and excitement it once gave me. I am once again at the top looking out at the whole world with great anticipation. I can hardly wait to for the ride to begin again!!!

⁴Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  

Philippians 4-7 NIV

Dear God, Thank you for riding the roller coaster with me. Amen.